WHY LOVING OURSELVES IS HARD

"Touchy feely." 

"New-agey." 

"Hippie stuff." 

Ok, but hear me out for a second. 

Whether you've spoken to a therapist, a life coach or perhaps some wise family elder, the concept of self-love may have come up. In my universe of clients, float centers, friends and family - self love KEEPS COMING UP.

I've come to understand that the purpose of my life is to help elevate consciousness on this planet. However that may sound to you, it's true. I walk my path as authentically as possible - through float centers, coaching, mentoring, speaking and educating. I'm consistently focused on helping  people reaching their potential. And for me, a massive part of reaching our potential is loving ourselves. 

What are you doing to love yourself? I think for a lot of people self-love means: taking it easy,  giving yourself a break. Maybe getting a massage or buying yourself something from Target is what you're thinking when you think of self-love. Maybe loving yourself means leaving from work early to have a drink with friends. That may indeed be self love, but that's not the self-love I'm talking about. That sort of self-love is easy. That sort of loving yourself is accessible but may not really be what you need. 

I'm talking about the sort of self love that is harder, but more constructive. I'm talking about the self-love that looks and feels a lot like discipline.

If I were to ask you,

"How can you show yourself the deepest love today?" 

If you really sat and thought about what would be the deepest expression of self-love, don't you think that it may include doing some habit, or behavior that's not super easy or convenient, but constructive? Wouldn't deep self-love likely include stopping something that is screwing you?

I'm talking about showing yourself some love that is positive, productive and valuable. Some gesture of self-love that fuels your soul and serves your highest purpose. NOW, I'm not suggesting that everyone has to turn away from the racy stuff or staying up late, or certain substances. I'm not suggesting that everyone take a year off alcohol and weed like me (but I'm not, not suggesting that either). What I am suggesting though, is that we take a look at the things in our life that aren't serving us anymore.

We've all come to different points in our life and asked...how the fuck did I get here? 30 pounds overweight, in a toxic relationship, in a job we can't stand, tired and stressed with no plans to alleviate the situation, addicted to a substance or a behavior that is hurting us and/or the people around us... Or maybe we've been in the same destructive behavior patterns, that we can't even remember what it was like before that (see above). This is the self-love I'm talking about. 

I'm talking about the sort of self-love manifested through a thoughtful assessment of ourselves. 

HERE'S AN EXERCISE: 

Start by closing your eyes and focusing on your breath. If you need to listen to some binaural beats or singing bowls, do that for 5 min - I suggest Insight Timer. Have a notebook right in front of you. Try your best to clear your mind and focus on your breath. Once you've established a more mindful state, shift into a mantra of clarity. {I start my meditation with gratitude, and say my intention from the get go, and clarity is broad enough to clear the way for insights}

Say, "I'm meditating on clarity," OR simply "Clarity." Then...after you've mediated for clarity for 5, 10, 20 minutes stop. THEN ASK YOURSELF: HOW AM I GETTING IN MY OWN WAY? Then begin writing. Be totally honest with yourself. What things are you doing that are getting standing in the way of your best self? Write them all down. Don't edit. Just purge onto the page all the ways that you're stepping on your own toes. What is sticky for you right now? What causes you discomfort? What pains you? These are ways that you are not loving yourself. These are all the ways that you're keeping yourself from progressing. 

So the obvious math here is: Now you can fine tune your life with clear actionable, behavior changes. Begin doing things that show love to yourself. Start loving yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself. 

Here's a list of things that may come up, that you can begin working on.

1. Re-programming negative self talk

2. Eating foods that your body hates, but your tastebuds love

3. Letting go of fear

4. Replacing non-productive behaviors with productive ones

5. Auditing your relationships (this one often hurts)

6. Stop wasting your own time 

7. Move(ment)

8. Looking at your job/career path

9. Are you giving love and receiving love

10. Are you clear on your connection or disconnection to a higher power

So, why is this simple shit so hard? Well, because it's not cushy. It's not convenient. It's not wired into you, there are no positive habits or behaviors around them. It's not what you know. It's not Netflix. It's not facebook. It's not easy. 

This is the type of loving yourself that is hard. 

To love yourself is to act in a way that serves your highest purpose and in order to walk that path toward your highest purpose, you gotta do work. You gotta be willing to push yourself a little. You gotta be willing to get out of your own way. You gotta love yourself in a way that will push you forward in your life. 

Love yourself. 

Thanks for reading!